Have you ever met a happy hater? That is an easy question to answer- it is a big fat “NO”. We all logically know this. This is a trait of someone that is unhappy and wants to make sure everyone else is too. Yet, most of us are prone to letting these people take up head space in our days and lives.

As part of my journey for health, fitness and a better life. I have worked on nutrition, fitness, learning new skills, and mental health. Today I am going to talk about one aspect of my mental health growth. Choosing who to give my energy to.

In my journey to reinvent myself I started making conscious choices to surround myself with people that left me feeling happy. People that I want to be like, that inspire me to learn and grow.

Self help education has taught me not to make drastic changes overnight. Choosing three things at a time to make small changes. I touch on this in the “How I reinvented myself” post.

Choosing who to give energy to:

Let’s break this down to 3 things to think about in who you are choosing to give your time & energy to.

Do they inspire me to be curious and grow?
How does the person make you feel?
Do I want to share accomplishments with them?

1.Do they inspire me to be curious and grow?

Positive relationships: In social media we scroll through instagram and see people running races, visiting cool parks, and working on healthy nutrition. I love to follow these accounts and learn. It only makes sense to surround myself daily with people that have similar interest and values. I want to be around people that are excited about the same things that I am. We can share recipes, cool trails and races we want to run on. These are the people make me believe that I can do this. They make me want to learn and grow as a human. Positive relationships talk more about the things in life that excite them, than gossip. If they are talking about another person it is because they are complimenting them. This kind of person leaves me excited, curious, and ready to conquer the world.

Negative relationships: Always judging others and gossiping

What I learned: I feel better when I surround myself with curious, adventurous people, that have enough confidence in their selves to be able to love others. It is not selfish for me to not let others unhappiness hurt my mental health. I do not look for perfection in the people that I surround myself with, simply a mutually positive & supportive relationship.

2. How does the person make you feel?

Negative relationship: I had a particular relationship with a person that I truly loved. We had a long history and I wanted the world for them. We would make a point to talk on the phone regularly. Every time I got off the phone after one of our chats I would feel exhausted for a long time after the conversation. It left me going over all the things they said to me in my head. I realized that I was constantly defending myself to them. I thought about our conversations and realized they were always telling me the reasons I was not good enough. It was a process that slowly happened over time. Logically I knew this person was not completely happy in life, and they could not help but try and make me feel bad too. I still love and care about their well being, but I have learned that I need to limit energy given to them for my own mental health.

Positive relationship: My friend Irene from GetUFit honestly believes I can do anything. I need to be clear though….she believes this about every person she knows… so I am not special this way :-) In talking with Irene I shared that I always admired Laz and the Barkley Marathons. His creative mind is absolutely genius. I am fully impressed with the work he has done to help teach people they can do extremely hard things. The Barkley course is equally beautiful and brutal. I am intrigued by this style of racing, but I also thought this was something I was NOT capable of doing… In pops Irene like a little hurricane of positive energy- “Of course you can do this! Let’s do the The Barkley Fall Classic”. Next thing you know, I find myself signed up and training for Barkley Marathon. Scary, exciting, and an extremely positive focus in my life.

We need the people in our life that believe in us, they push us to learn, to try harder and help us reach our full potential.

What I learned: Spend time with people that encourage personal growth. You deserve to put yourself in situations that are going to help you thrive and become the person you are meant to be. I was sad to distance myself from this past relationship, but once I let go, it was a huge weight off my shoulders.

3. Do I want to share accomplishments with them?

Think about this. We work hard to be successful in our jobs, family, life and fitness. It is what brings us joy. Yet sharing our triumphs can be one of the most closely guarded personal thoughts we have. It takes a lot of trust to share. Often times we will worry what people will think about us being happy or celebrating a success. A true friend, co-worker, or family member that has good intentions, or loves you will want to celebrate your successes. Often times they will be happier for you than even you are for yourself. This feels really good to have in a relationship. Look for it and hold it tightly. That is your people.

Positive relationship: When going through my weight loss, fitness journey I did not share much. I was losing weight every week. Very disciplined, losing 1-3 pounds a week. I was putting all my energy towards this health transformation. Reading books, watching videos, listening to podcast, working with a Nutritionist. It was a full time job as I learned all these new habits. I remember being happy about hitting the milestones of 10, 15, 20 pound weight loss, but not trusting who to share this happiness with. So I kept my celebration to myself.

I walked into the OMR Trailhead shop one day, and Nicki was working (We are not always at the shop at the same time). It was winter time so I often had a coat on while there as well. I happened to take off my coat and Nicki noticed my weight loss. She was so happy about it. I felt her pure joy. You know when someone is happy for you. This felt good. So genuine, kind and I appreciated it. I got to celebrate this win with her.

****I have really good people in my life that loved me before and after my transformation. I am so grateful for all of them.

Negative relationship: On the other hand, there were reasons that I kept my successes private. I instinctively knew that some people in my life would not like my transformation. So even after Nicki’s joy, I guarded my successes. There was one relationship that I had that I felt the resistance. They were saying things like, “that is a good picture of you on facebook”. I could tell they were fishing, curious if I was losing weight, or if it was just a good angle picture. The question did not feel right to me. My instincts were giving me warning signals. I felt that I needed to guard them from knowing I was losing weight or they would be mad at me. Then one day someone posted a full body shot of me running and this person saw it. They instantly messaged me and said something like, “WOW, you have lost a TON of weight!” then they followed that up with sending screenshots of me looking super fat and unhealthy. Pictures I did not even know were out there. I was thinking, “why do you have these photos?” and “What is the point of sending them?” My instincts were right. I have seen a significant change in this relationship since. This was someone that was more comfortable with me being unhealthy and unhappy.

Think of it as: There are some people that will want you to stay the person in Picture #1 (From How I Reinvented myself Blog). These are the people that don’t want to celebrate your successes.

***Take note. Sometimes it can be a friend or family member that is going to need to relearn to be comfortable with you. Maybe you quit drinking and you were their “drinking buddy” and now they don’t know how to be friends with you, so are feeling uncomfortable. In this case, you can try to find a new interest with them that doesn’t center around old bad habits.

Both are people uncomfortable with your transformation. Some will have an unhealthy resentment towards your success. The other is just uncomfortable in what that means for your relationship with them. If it had always been a good relationship, then you should try and work through that.

What I learned: Not celebrating your wins is not fair to you. It was a negative burden that I was holding onto 50 pounds into my weight loss journey. I was afraid that celebrating feeling good would make someone dislike me. I was right, it did make some people dislike me. Most of those people exited my life. I am glad because life is too short to have people in it that need me to be unhappy for them to feel better about themselves.

What am I currently doing for training LINK

What am I currently doing for nutrition LINK

All of these people make me happy. They hold the traits I value. I want to be like them, and share the traits that I admire in them.

I am smiling in these pictures because these people like to see others happy and are generous in their love.